Some people giggle, some people squirm, some whistle it away, others lift their butt cheeks and just let it rip! However it is that people decide to let their flatulence out, I find it to be the funniest thing! Even when the moment calls for complete ignorance of the explosive gas that someone has just relieved their bowels of, I cant not contain myself from impending laughter. I have gone from 5 year old little girl, to 12 year old little boy in the matter of one confession. Is it my doom in life to never grow up?
Let's talk more about farts. I don't know what it is about them that I find so darn side-splitting. I can tell you that it is not the delicate bouquet that some seem to let slip out! I often wonder what they ate 10 years prior that would cause such an offensive aroma. Perhaps it is the shear sound of escaping gases advancing through what I like to call..butt cheeks! Or maybe it is the expression that some seem to display on their rather embarrassed face when they realized what they thought was going to puff out in silence going unnoticed, ended up a little more robust in nature than originally thought. Whatever the reason, I fine much joy and amusement in others shame.
Since we are on the subject of farts still, we might as well go into names. Here you will find some of my favorites along with their definition.
The Snart: This is a fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.
The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.
The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.
The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.
The Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."
The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.
Ok, I think I am going to leave it at that. If you feel that you can not live without knowing the rest, here is an awesome website. http://www.fartnames.com/
And in case you are wondering, I did in fact laugh just about the entire way through writing this confession! In fact, I may have laughed out one or two farts of my own!
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